Deceptions.

From this road to that road,
the one opposite to where I stand, today
from that footpath to that corner,
I learned walking,
That ditch you see right next to the corner,
is where I fall off the first time at the first step I took,
From this road to that road,
I have travelled this far,
to where I stand today.

That shade you see,
where when it rains it rhymes in the dark surroundings,
that bench under it,
is where the old man I saw,
he was feeble, tired and hungry,
his son died of cancer,
money was the only thing he kept asking for,
I was so busy hearing the rain,
writing my own deceptions in its rythm,
I ignored the sound of his pleads,
that shade you see,
where when it rains.

That cotton candy man,
right next to that pathway,
was once giving them for free,
I stood there for I had money,
but, he was crowded,
faces I could see all were dark and hands they raised to grab were thin and bony,
but eyes they beheld, glittered,
in happiness to surprise,
for a new happening to cross their way,
I stood there with my same blank eyes,
to that cotton candy man,
right next to that pathway.

From that road to this road,
where I stand, today,
in all my voyage I cried, I wept.
I kept re-counting all that I have lost,
All that's never going to come back,
from rain to blazing sunlights,
I kept looking back.
But, those around me,
a woman with a child in her arms,
a man with a leg broken,
a blind father,
they, anyhow, well, kept striving to run off from what they lost.
Lost through fate,
hopes dangled around their heads all day long.

From that road to this road,
I have walked,
where the world of ultimate pain and loss around me has been ambling.

For a moment,
but, I thought,
maybe the pain I have is merely a deception to that of I have around me.
Around me, beside me and besides me.
From that road to this road,
WHERE I stand, today!

For in pain in misery, I have found the hope for happiness to come cross my way.

Towards acceptance.

As I'm writing this, one part of me makes me feel maybe this is the last time I'm writing something, something maybe written with a little feeling. Or perhaps, I won't be able to write again, ever. For last 2 hours, been struggling to sleep, it's a nice antidote for a number of things. But, few people are lucky enough to get it, others just strive.

Alot of things going around me, political aspects more higher precisely. Almost everyone around is being "Rational" and those Rationally thinking people might highly dislike me for writing this or maybe think of me as too childish or complaining or etc. But, I've let gone off thinking. 

Sometimes, you want to say out, others you need to. At the moment, I feel like I'm in dire need of saying it out and I don't want it to be revealed aswell. Problems usually arise when we don't respect the Difference in personalities, the way we're, the way others are. And, maybe Im kinda afraid of what I may have to listen what I've been listening always. Anyhow. Let's put a full stop here to my scattered messy thoughts. 

On one dark narrow road,

there stood one tree,

tall and shady,

twisted branches and a tough woody trunk,

there on it, was a nest,

Shaky and vulnerable,

so a day the baby fell out of the nest,

the wind blew so fast that night,

the nest fell off the road,

the tree shooked so hard,

the baby frightened and hungry cried,

cried in pain and misery,

stared at the broken nest,

for days, from days to months and years,

then he got tired staying on the road,

on one dark narrow road,

for he desired flying high,

he took flight and fell off,

but, he gave up not,

for he feared being shooked up like his nest,

days passed, so does years,

he learnt flying high,

so high that now he feared the dark narrow road,

that one dark narrow road....

It's incomplete. Because, I couldn't think of an ending. Maybe beacuse it ended right away when it started, with no twists, no confusions, but merely the reluctance towards acceptance. Accepting maybe it's time to stop playing your unnecessary part in everyone's life. Perhaps in your own life aswell. 

2:08 Am

Monday, May 13. 

Maybe.

Pieces, pieces everywhere,

shattered and scattered she maybe,

lost in her ownself,

or seeking peace everywhere,

far away at the skies,

darkest at this hour of nights,

quiet wind she speaks to,

that brightest star,

next to the moon in that horizon,

she stares at for hours,

pieces, pieces everywhere,

shattered and scattered she maybe...

Far away from the light,

in the shade of nothingness,

she smiles at the pain of numbness,

for if there's nothing to feel about,

then why's it Nothing that she feels about,

hours of uncertainity but days of faith,

scattered or shattered she maybe...

The pen's now broken,

the ink leaves blots on the floor,

she walks silently,

for to be found out another time is one thing she's fears,

for what's found is then lost she bears,

pieces, pieces everywhere,

shattered or scattered she maybe....

As a matter of fact!

You can not always fit and explain life in philosophical terms, right?! Sometimes, when you see, everything's there. And, you ask yourself, what I have been looking for?! The other day, when you glance back, you reckon so much has been missing, if not at outside than maybe at inside. But, things have been missing, somwhere. At some place, you ran after filling the blanks and failed pathetically. Actually, it sounds more pathetic when after 20 years of your life you sit down jotting stuff like this and actually start smiling or more like smiling wide at seeing how you have been running after nothing in particular and how you have your hands all empty, the blanks still the blanks. LOL. 

Money gives you nothing but it is the best revenge to take from your ownself and from that particular self who convinced you for self revenge! *winks* I often talk meaningless, this is how it looks like maybe. But, for me there's alot of meaning in it whatever I say. That's such a DUHHH thing, right?! Tsk. I'm wandering far off somewhere at the moment, side by side. Along writing. Yes, sir.

Erm.. So, it's like I'm not sleepy at all, tonight too. And. For a day like this, like today. For this sleepless thing, I don't mind it. Cause I got my imagination.

Long walks on long quiet roads are SO mesmerizing to me. *big dreamy eyes*

You can walk, stare at the sky as long as you can. The clear wide sky. You can talk to birds. You can see them fly, you can follow and wait for their one glance down. You can talk to Allah Mian. And WHAT NOT. My intense wali happiness lies in this very longing to go for such a walk. And. Well. You can also be get accompanied by some nice friend who can bear your all crazy talk, which in my case sounds kinda impossible, not easy to bear with me. =P

Anyhow. I feel talking alot at the moment. Alot more to share. But. Let's leave it for somethings should be kept in heart aswell!

They remaine valued only then.

But there are no come backs.

I wish life had a pencil,an eraser. We could change something,or erase something. Or never let something to be erased.. Because there are no come backs. Just no come backs... Every truth is just too rude to accept.. And at times we realize someone around us who we never wanted to lose, whose existence just held no substitute had finally left us and there's going to be no come back definitely  No matter how strong we pretend at inside to be.

And, as a matter of fact things keep on moving. Nothing stops. Nothing ceases.

Running alone.

I have been running alone,

too long now it's been,

the same way,

things never got changed,

they all got my substitutes,

someone better to be along with,

but,

no one to accompany me along,

I have been running alone,

too long now it's been.

I wonder if it hurts really,

or merely my deception pleads,

on dark longer roads,

I no long await for my bestfriend to come,

and we walk along,

for that was fairy tale world,

but, no real to breathe in,

I have been running alone,

too long now it's been.

Holding on those specials in my list,

and then taking in the truth of being no one in their list,

being no one to every one,

in the midst of everything,

all that breaks me down,

from feeling numb to trying to be me,

I no longer await to see, how it feels to be happy,

'Cause now that I realized,

I have been running alone,

in making things go,

trying to make them go..

Too long it's been now...

Just too long...

Time to revamp.

Today, here. I want to share with you  "The twinkling policy", no no that's not some authorized policy of some anonymous or not-anonymous person out there, that solely belongs to my own theory. =P Hope you gonna like it, do let me know your precious feedback! Gonna write simple and easy to understand. :)

A'rite, as if I go through my previous posts over here, I'll find most of them to be already Gothic and some trying to get outta it. Hm.. This is because of the very reason that I was going through those moods, worst or best, happy or sad. And, I believe that you should never hide your moods from your ownself in attempt to act cool, a stronger person is not the one who hides what hurts, infact to be Stronger, in a real sense means, to see, 
to believe, 
to accept, 
to fight
whatever hurts You. These are the four easiest and most easily accessible points to achieve that "Twinkling policy" , I mentioned above and that's how you get to apply it on Your own life!
Almost all of us or around 95% people in the world are too busy either making fun of someone being down most of the times or telling them in somehow a mocking way to get off that mood, to such people, let them know they need to GET A LIFE. If I wasn't planning to write out something positive, I'd have given some Ultra amazing tips too hat how to overcome such tortures that move around your life! But, let's leave it for some other time.

Anyhow. It's high time that our Society's So called Cool dudes and Cool ladies realize that you just can't open your mouth and say something extremely hurting to someone or you can't mock at anyone, you know why, 'cause YOU are not living their lives, you're not in their shoes, you have just no idea what they're going through! It's in a sheer sense, HIGH TIME to realize our most first and important duty to our fellows. Everywhere. College, school, university, at our jobs, EVERYWHERE.

It's so pathetic to notice that people never realize what their brutal responses could do, they change lives, entirely and often makes it worst.

Point behind writing all of this is to convey the message, please DO NOT cheat on your ownselves, just because of those who are not infact never gonna sit by your side forever! Instead of trying to act cool and keeping aside all that's breaking you inside, FIGHT IT BACK. If you keep on going this way, you'll end up cheating your ownself. Be yourself. That's how it is. Do not change for the sake of people, to make them happy. If You are sad, do accept it, then fight it, before you turn yourself like an empty tin box at the inside!

And yes then,

Do face the world with a smile,

so no one knows what's hidden inside!

Do not hide your ownself, from your ownself!
Happy Revamping! :)